we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
