He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
