No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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