Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
