all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
