I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
