i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
