dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize