I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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