Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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