I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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