OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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