I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
