You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
