please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
