Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
