I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
