Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
