I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
