I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
