Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize