My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
