i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
