i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
