i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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