There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
