fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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