mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I love how my cats smell like pot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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