I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
