I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
