and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
