i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
