So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
