he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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