Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
