ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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