i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
