That's when you crack a 10am beer
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
