Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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