I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize