I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
