No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize