seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
