Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
