I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize