She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
