That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
