Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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