At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
