I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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