turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
