This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
