holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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