i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
