Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
