Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
