Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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