i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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