It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
