I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
