I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
