good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How does one acquire holy water?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
