I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
