MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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