1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize