I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
