capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
