Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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